Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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