Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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