1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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