was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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