Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
