didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
