I didn't shave. On purpose
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
