i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
