what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
