I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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