you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
