we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
