There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Randomize
