Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
