What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
