This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Four minutes until I can fart!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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