i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
