dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
