My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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