OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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