Don't make out with my wife yet
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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