Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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