and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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