We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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