i think i have two assholes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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