return my video game
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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