your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
