Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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