GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
