i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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