i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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