That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
