im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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