I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
