Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
