hotel room ftw
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
