I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
