I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
