Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
