Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
