How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
