do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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