At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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