just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
