If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
