that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
