conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
