I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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