how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
3 2 1 whiskey
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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