I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
