White coat. Heels.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
