he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
