vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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